It’s easy. I have been observing and I believe I have the perfect method to win and I could beat any of the other teams.

1. Don’t get penalized. I have noticed that penalties almost always kill drives, especially the 10 yard variety. The 15 yard types are the really bad stoppers. When I see a fifteen yard penalty on TV, the cameras almost always cut to the coach, who is generally ready to start pulling his hair out. On occasion, I have seen one of them jump up and down and yell. It doesn’t do any good. Better to tell the players not to commit the penalties.
2. Do not fumble or get intercepted. Turnovers are particularly bad when it is close to one end of the field or the other. Imagine the team is on the five yard line and drops the ball. Yeah. That is not a good way to get on the good side of the coach. On the other hand, fumbling the ball on your own 10 yard line isn’t good either.
3. Long gains are good. However the real secret to winning is to make sure you gain 5 1/2 yards per play. This will get you first down after first down with a good margin for error, especially in light of item 4.
4. Make sure the quarterback never gets sacked. All offensive plays should result in positive yardage.
5. Make sure that each possession of the ball should result in some kind of score, even if it is a field goal. For this reason, it is good to have a kicker who has a cannon for a leg. If he can kick a field from the 50 yard line, it will have a very positive outcome on point production. It means that it is not necessary to reach the goal to score, only the opponents 40 yard line. It really puts a lot of pressure on the opponent’s defense.
6. Defensively, remember, don’t allow the other team to do any of the above.

Now that I have shown I know how to win football games, I offer my expertise to someone willing to pay me a few million dollars. I am not greedy. 10 million will be fine.

As an aside, I find it interesting that football coaches get paid more the the commander in chief. This is true even though the coaches army is far smaller. Does that mean that a football coach is more important?