We’ve all heard it a thousand times, maybe a thousand and two. When it is said a tire is flat, someone else says, “Only on the bottom.” I guess that makes it not only an old joke but an old tire(d) joke.

I do find it interesting that after over a hundred years of building cars, they have improved the reliability of about everything but the tires. To wit, when a nail punctures a tire, it flatens. Actually, it’s not just nails that will do it. The last flat I had was due to a piece of rebar that was sticking up out of the parking lot. What really hurts is that I saw it. I just forgot it was there. That little slip of memory cost me about $60.

I find it interesting as I think back over the decades. Tires have changed a lot and the way we deal with them. The first time I replaced tires, they cost me $20 each for 2 and that included mounting. That was a long time ago.

Way back when, they had tires that had tubes in them. When they had a flat, they took them off, put a patch on the tubes and put them back on the car. It generally took a little over an hour because of the time to put the patch on. As far as I know, it lasted just fine.

On the other hand, if the tube couldn’t be patched, they replaced it. Much less expensive than replacing the whole tire. The fact that the tire had a hole in it was not even considered. It didn’t have to be airtight.

I guess on or around 1950, they came out with the tubeless tire. They tell me that they have many advantages. My guess is that the one of the biggest advantages was for the ones selling them. For a while, they still sold tubes for the tire that had a hole in it. It was the fast and inexpensive fix. Don’t have a clue as to why, but they stopped doing that. At first, they tried fixing the tires. That kind of went the way of the dinosaur when they came out with steel belted radials. I’m told they can’t do that anymore.

So, as you go down the road and that front tire sets that nail up strait and the rear tire rolls over it, it’s going to cost you some money. No patches. No tubes. You will have to take the wheel in and get a new tire mounted on it. If you have a regular car, it’s going to be about $60. If you have a big pickup, you’re going to have to shell out about $160.

I think it is a conspiracy. Why can’t we go back to the $20 tires. Okay. They don’t stop as good and they don’t corner as good. Generally, the new ones do last longer, unless you poke a hole in them. Sorry. Even if the tire is one day old, it will have to be replaced

Until recently, when you bought a new car, you got a spare tire with it. It was the same as the other four. The neat part was that if you included it in the tire rotation, your tires lasted longer. Sorry. Can’t do that with radials.

Those that made the cars decided to change things. Their logic was that the spare tire on the vast majority of cars never touch the road. That was how they explained it to me. So, instead of a real wheel for a spare, the put a toy wheel in the trunk. It works good, but the driver is warned to watch the speed and range. It is, so to speak, an emergency spare. It is designed only to hold up long enough to get a real tire.

When I bought my Nissan EV, I figured that it was what was in the trunk. It did make sense to me. Well, a few months after I bought the car, I was poking my nose around in the trunk and discovered, there was no spare. There wasn’t even one of the toys.

Now that was a surprise. It was also pretty disappointing. I even thought about taking the car back to the dealer and demand a spare, even if I have to pay for it. I still might do that. Fact is, I don’t even know if they have them. I might have to pay for a full extra wheel and tire.

Then, after I got to looking around in the trunk some more. I found a pump that could be plugged into the cigarette lighter.” In addition, there was a small bottle. The instructions were, “put the bottle in a hole in the pump and turn the pump on.” The liquid would, hopefully seal the tire good enough to last until the tire could be replace.

Now that was a surprise. I got to thinking about it and I guess it does have an advantage. I am 76. Those wheels are big. I actually might need help lift the things. I mean, when I was a 22-year-old marine, no problem. Not so much now.

Suddenly, just hooking up the pump and sealer to the wheel started sounding much better.

Then, on the other hand, the big question, what do I do if I am out on some lonely road and the sealer fails to seal? Those old tubes are starting to look really good. Even if they would not be a long range solution, it might get me home.